Grass

HEY, HI, HELLO FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!! Today February 13th is our HALFWAY mark on the World Race. I mean just typing those words brings a rush of emotions. Sadness. Disbelief. Restlessness. Tons of questions flood my mind. “Am I learning all that I intended to? Have I done enough? Experienced growth? Am I becoming a better person?” I mean literally just yesterday I was texting my best friend, (love you Kelly girl) and word for word I said, “I love the race don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I miss normal life lol”. Like JUST yesterday I literally was missing the mundane parts of my life prior to the race, and today I am close to being in tears knowing this life-giving and ever-changing journey is half way over. 

I began reflecting on these two conflicting thoughts and it brought to mind a partially written blog I started this past summer after committing to the World Race. I am going to insert what I had written because it does a great job highlighting what I was grappling with then and truthfully am continuing to struggle with today.

 

This Is Not the Blog Post You Were Expecting 

*Sometime in August of 2023

Why did my life here in Fairfield Township, Ohio seem to exponentially get better after I decided that I was going on the World Race and leaving for 11 months?

Without boring you with all the details and to keep it short and sweet, the last few years of my life, I have felt very stuck. Not being where I wanted to be; physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Unhappy. Discontent. Unsettled. Knowing there HAD to be more for me out there. “Out there”. Wanting to move across the globe. Knowing, or at least hoping, that would fix me. That would make me happy. That would leave me feeling fulfilled. Content. Satisfied with life. Expecting to get a job on another continent post grad, but no—God had other plans. 

His plans were a job that was in Fairfield Township, Ohio. At the elementary school that I attended as a kid. I really thought, “God, you HAVE to be kidding me.” It genuinely seemed like my worst nightmare. But God always has bigger plans. God is always seeing the big picture, unlike my little human brain. 

I went into this new job knowing—well, thinking—it was only a stepping stone. Only a placeholder. Trying to hold onto “God having a plan” but not genuinely believing it. Waiting until the “job of my dreams” fell into my lap. Knowing my life would start then. My happiness would start then. Life would be fulfilling and fun THEN.

Fast forward a few months and I begin to not only like this “place holder” job but I begin to love it. I love the people I work with. I love the students I care for and have the pleasure to teach. I see all the good in the school district I teach in. I am making genuine connections and relationships with incredible people. BUT, I am still holding out hope for the “more” that I believe is out there for me. I think to myself, “This can’t be all there is, right?”

March comes and I am officially committed to going on the World Race. THIS was it. THIS was what I had been waiting for. THIS was why I had to go through all those seasons of waiting and disappointment, right God? This is what You had in store for me all along. I knew there was MORE. 

Fast forward a few more months, it’s August now. The excitement is building each day as I get closer to leaving for the World Race. But why is there a twinge of sadness in my heart? I ask Him, “God, this is what I always wanted, isn’t it?” This, this is what I thought would leave me feeling fulfilled, happy, content. But now, now I am leaving a job I love. I am leaving a school where I see a future for myself. I am leaving people I have built incredible friendships with. I am leaving my boyfriend, a man I see myself marrying. I am leaving all I have ever known for 11 months and I genuinely thought that would be the answer I was always seeking. But as I am preparing to leave it feels like the happiness I was searching for, I am experiencing now. The contentment I was hellbent on feeling, I have been experiencing for the last 6 plus months. The “more” I was searching for, I have right in front of me. Why God?

So maybe you’re wondering, “Ryann, why is this blog post called Grass? What does that have to do with the Race being halfway over and your old blog post from August 2023?” Well it comes from a quote that I am sure you’re all familiar with and one that I continuously struggle to believe as truth:

“The grass is greener on the other side.”

That was a lie I had believed for SO. MANY. YEARS. “Once I graduate college… Once I finish grad school… Once I get *insert dream job name here*… Once I move to xyz place… Once I find my husband… Then, EVERYTHING will work out.” I really believed that all of these things would bring me ultimate happiness. It would bring me the fulfillment I was looking for. It would bring a sense of peace and I would finally be satisfied with my life. 

The Lord, being the good and faithful Father he is, he heard my cries. He heard my pleas to go “elsewhere”. He heard my continual complaints and refusal to be happy anywhere. (And yes, that’s what it was, a choice to not be happy or content where my feet were at.) So, he granted me the opportunity to go on the World Race. An 11 month mission trip where life is always changing and nothing is consistent; 6 different countries, continuously moving from place to place, working for different ministries, doing all kinds of different jobs, sleeping in tents, sleeping on the floor, living out of a backpack, lots of travel, adventures and excitement. The Lord gave me the gift of getting the “answer” I always wanted. And I am living that dream right now. I am truly living an answered prayer as we speak. And for that, I could not be more grateful. I am continuously thanking the Lord for bringing me on the World Race and I know without a shadow of doubt that I am exactly where He wants me. 

But guess what: I still, at times, miss my OLD LIFE. I long to go back to it. I miss the mundane. I miss my family, my friends and my sweet boyfriend. I miss teaching. I miss my teacher friends. I miss the school I taught at. I miss cooking in my own kitchen. I miss sleeping in my own bed. I miss my closet of clothes. I miss Chipotle. I miss Target. I miss Fairfield Township, Ohio. I miss the life I spent MONTHS wishing away. Dreading. I was missing it before I even left it. 

All of this is what God has been teaching me throughout the last 163 days of the race. That the grass is NOT greener on the other side. That God may give me adventure, travel and excitement but it did not fix the real issue I had. I struggled to be content where I was. To be fully engaged right where my feet were. To enjoy the current season the Lord had me in regardless of whether it fit my ideal plan or not. To be thankful for the RIGHT here and RIGHT now. Whether that’s halfway across the globe or in Fairfield Township, Ohio. It really doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing, if you’re always looking for there to be “more”, everything else will feel like it’s not enough. I don’t want to live with that mindset anymore. I want to be content where I am, no matter where it is. I want the grass to be green where I am standing and it CAN be. It’s all a mindset shift and ultimately relying on the Lord for my happiness and my contentment. Just as I was before the Race, I am still being taught this lesson and refined in this area, TODAY. Praise be for God’s grace and patiences with us, right? 

Thank you Father for teaching me how to find joy and contentment in You and where You have me. Thank you for granting me the opportunity to travel the world for 11 months and experience all that You have for me in this season. Thank You for answering my prayers and desires to travel around the world. Thank You for giving me “everything I wanted” and showing me love and grace when I realized that wasn’t going to fix the real struggle I was dealing with. Thank You for having patience with me as I continue to learn how to be content where my feet are. Father, thank You for giving me an incredible life back home, that made leaving and being gone so incredibly difficult. Thank You for placing people in my life who love me so well, near and far. Thank You, Father, for your abounding grace and love for me. Thank You for being my Teacher. Thank You for your kindness and love in showing me Your Truth continuously. I ask for your blessing and perfect plan to unfold over the next half of the Race. I ask that You would help me be exactly where my feet are for these next 163 days. I love You, Father. Thank You, thank You, thank You. I can’t ever say it enough. Amen. 

Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.”

Psalm 34:10 “The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” 

2 Corinthians 9:8 “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 

Okay, that’s all for now friends 🙂

Love Always. 

In All Ways.

Ryann